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A long time ago I used to love making pies and would regularly make up a batch of pies to keep me going. I recently felt the pie making calling once more and decided to start with an easy puff lid version. Now, as my darling wife was very eager to point out I would never class this as a proper pie when I’m eating out. It’s a stew with a lid. But, one has to start somewhere.

Chicken and sweetcorn, but one also had mushrooms added. Beautiful.

Next up are some proper shortcrust pies.

We had some people round to put render on the house and they were in and out of the garage doing stuff. A little after they had finished and left I realised my Black and Decker toy drill that I use for light drilling work was not in its usual place. I hunted high and low for that drill. Looked in all my sheds. Quizzed the kids but all to no avail. I thought the renderer people had nicked it. The charger was still in my garage so it was cock all use after a few hours.

Always seeking to find the good in any situation it seemed like a fine time to get myself a new Ryobi tool for my growing collection.

So, I was able to do some outdoor plumbing work now that I had my new and much better drill.

A week or two later I was messing about getting some brick lights working and needed a 10m piece of Cat5 cable. I opened my silver networking box and there was my Black and Decker drill. After I did some networking in the front shed it seems I may not quite have gotten around to putting my drill back where it should have been. Ooops. Still, new drill!

So. In the ongoing “we built a fucking extension” saga there was a point where we had wallpaper hung on the walls. It was beautiful. We marveled at the inability to see the joins between the adjacent rolls of paper. The decorator even went the extra mile and put our TV wall mount back up.

Fast forward a couple of months and we bought a bigger TV for the wall. We had to. It’s a big wall and the 55″ TV just looked too small. To go with the new 75″ TV we bought a new wall mount. As I was taking down the old wall mount I took a screw out and water started gushing out of the wall. The decorator had screwed straight through a pipe but the screw had sealed it….until I took it out again.

As you can see, my brand new wall now has a massive hole in it which I’ll have to put a new piece of plasterboard in, tape it up and then skim over it. On the bright side it’ll be a new set of skills!

The legend that is Uncle Chris came over and between the two of us we managed to chop out the offending bit of pipe work and following two trips to Screwfix [ the only place open on a Bank Holiday Monday ] we managed to seal it all up

Don’t ever build an extension! Take the money the extension would cost and sell your house and add the extension costs onto the sale price. FML

My Father’s ashes are spread around the tree in my front garden. Since it was his birthday we decided to have a “Grandad Dave” glass of wine with him and follow in his footsteps of filling the glass until the meniscus came higher than the rim of the glass.

Many people have the view that I do some crazy stuff. But my crazy stuff doesn’t even come close to this madman.

He lives a few miles down the road from me and he’s planning to sail across the Atlantic [ Newfoundland to Lizard Point ] in this…

It’s 1.1m long. He can barely move once inside it. He’s going to be in a sitting position for 90 days. The food he’s taking with him contains Aspirin to thin his blood in order to reduce the risk of DVT. Just mental. Properly mental.

We moved into the house about 16 years ago and I inherited the manky old hosepipe that was mounted on the wall. It leaked, it kinked up, it was a pain in the arse to wind in, it had to go.

So I bought a new one from CostCo. A thing of beauty. German engineering. It winds itself in and applies the brakes as it gets close to winding all the way in. It doesn’t leak and it’s longer than the last one too. Well chuffed.

Whilst walking through the Lidl Middle aisle I spotted a six gang power block with surge protection [ exactly the sort of thing I could have done with to protect my Unifi switch ] so I bought it.

Whilst plugging stuff in I decided to get organised and label the individual plugs, and then I decided to plug the plugs in alphabetical order.

Definitely have too much time on my hands.

It was the boy’s birthday so as usual Emma created a masterpiece

During the electrical safety check that had to be done ( to get the certificate for the electrics in the house ) the power supply went on and off quite a few times. Because I’m an idiot I didn’t turn off all my networking gear at the plug. So when all the power eventually came back on my Unifi switch didn’t 🙁

A quick google/amazon search revealed you can’t buy these things anymore. A search on eBay then revealed that they’re about £200 for a replacement. After much consideration and pissing about with a spare switch I had I eventually came to the conclusion that it really didn’t have to be a Unifi switch. All I really needed was a switch capable of delivering PoE.

Enter stage left….a Netgear switch for £50

So the main part of this blog post isn’t that I bought a Netgear switch. It’s that I used my Ryobi tools to cut a hole in my network layout boards and slotted the switch in so that the ports popped out of the front. Then Amelia and I took some beading we had lying around and cut it to shape to make some nice edging. Then I used my nailgun to make an utter mess of mounting it. I may well remove the nails and mount it with glue instead.

Finally got around to buying some chisels and having a crack at fitting some door handles to my new doors.

I think it went pretty well…

I reckon every man should have a set of chisels

We went to Worden Park with Sammi and Tilly-Belle. Feels like a lifetime ago but this is where the family tradition of baring our bottom teeth for photos originated.

Here’s another example

We were planning a three week vacay to Malaysia but finances are a little tight at the moment since I’m still an unemployed bum. So instead we accepted the kind offer from my Mum and Paddy to send us all away somewhere. The kids were keen on a lazy beach/pool holiday so we shot off to a lovely hotel in Majorca and had fun on the beach and in the pool.

The kids were most dismayed when I got quite excited by the e-ink display at the bus stop where we were waiting for a bus to have a cultural day in Palma.

We all had a lovely time. Nobody got sunburn and we discovered that Oli loves Tacos! Result

It finally happened, we finally got a dog.

The day began pretty relaxed. We were only leaving at about 11am so everyone had a lazy morning and made the most of the marina’s pleasant toilets and showers.

Once again the wind was on our nose so we spent a lot of time under engine but occasionally the wind would shift a little bit and we’d get some extra power from the sails. But for this journey it was pretty rare that we had the engine off.

The final night passage was my least favourite shift of Midnight until 4am but we could again see the Milky Way and since it was my last night shift for the foreseeable future I kinda put up with it.

As we approached Ibiza we started hitting a little traffic!

We then started to catch sight of what I thought was San Antonio…

This is where much confusion began. I’d used booking.com to reserve an apartment a few hundred feet from the marina. Whilst we were filling up with diesel I checked on google maps to see how far the apartment was and was told it was a 25 minute drive. Ooops. Not entirely sure why I thought we were finishing the trip in San Antonio – ho hum.

We completed 1314nm with 125hrs under sails and 170hrs using engines.

We then headed into Ibiza Town for dinner where I plumped for some sushi…

Then we all said farewell, the two Josh’s and I got a taxi over to our apartment. We checked in and then went out for more drinks, gin and tonic if I recall, and then headed to bed.

The next day, Saturday, was my birthday so we went off in search of food. We walked past Fatso’s thinking it wasn’t quite classy enough for a birthday breakfast – but then we were all craving a fatso’s breakfast for the remainder of the time in town – and subsequently ended up in Rita’s Cantina. I wanted to eat here at some point during the day so it ticked the box and we all enjoyed it immensely.

We then went off in search of jet-ski’s. Founds some but had to wait a couple of hours so we went to a nice chill out bar near the beach and sat on comfy sofas drinking beer and watching people play rugby. It was Tulp Bar and is very much recommended.

We then went on a high speed mash across the sea to blow some cobwebs away

Following the jet skis we had another couple of beers in Tulp and then headed to the next tick box tourist event which was watching the sun set at Cafe Del Mar on the West side of San Antonio.

After drinks in Cafe Del Mar we were all dressed inappropriately so popped back to the apartment to get some warmer clothes and we rounded off the night in a Thai restaurant. There was talk of the young ‘uns going to a club to dance the night away but there was no way I was dragging my 51yr old body out at midnight. So it was a relatively early night.

Awoke the next morning quite early to find we were almost out of water. Trying to find an open supermarket early on a Sunday in Ibiza is a bit tricky. But eventually found one, bought water, went back to the apartment and packed.

It was as I was packing I started discarding tatty clothes and shoes to lighten my load. So I had to say goodbye to my three-stripes that have travelled the world with me.

We set off from the anchorage in the Spanish national park and headed for Cartagena. There was some bad weather coming in ( 30kts+ and rain ) so we decided we’d stay a couple of nights in the marina at Cartagena.

We arrived at the marina after a day or so of sailing [ I don’t think we did a night passage here but it’s a few days later and all starting to blur into one ] and I seem to remember we spent a lot of time on engine to ensure we avoided the storm. We got into the marina quite late and so were pleasantly surprised to find a bar still open and serving food.

After the Yellow Submarine bar we went to Radio bar just up the road. The toilet was truly horrific. Absolutely Trainspotting standards. But when you’ve gotta go!

The next day in Cartagena the rain absolutely arrived. Properly throwing it down. The plan was to do some exploring but after a few seconds out in the rain we were all soaked. So we took shelter in the nearest pub and pretty much just got drunk and ate for the day and night.

When I told Emma we were heading to Cartagena she sent me a picture that she’d taken there on a school trip a few years before.

We left Cartagena in beautiful sunshine heading for Ibiza.

Well, here

We left at the ridiculously early time of 8.30am which was quite a shock to the system after finishing drinking rum a mere five hours earlier. We made reasonable progress during the day dodging tankers and cargo ships as we cut across the shipping lanes to get back to the Spanish side of the Med.

We had to make a few course changes to avoid some of the big ships but they also made course changes to avoid us. It was all very gentlemanly except for one Russian bell end who kept screaming “Putin number one” over the VHF emergency frequency. Dick.

Once again we had our usual Dolphin accompaniment. This was a massive pod of them and they were everywhere we looked.

It was a largely uneventful day which was made all the easier by having a full crew which means there are always two on each watch. So if you want to make a cup of tea or go for a wee or just have a lie in the sun then it’s no problem. It makes the four hour shift fly by.

We did an overnight passage and Pawel and I were due on watch at 4am. So I went to bed at about 9pm and slept soundly until 3.30am. During our watch we could see the Milky Way in the inky black skies and we also saw Mars shining brightly at about 5am.

The next day started off quite mildly but the winds really got up in the afternoon.

My watch mate Pawel enjoying the waves…

We eventually made it to a relatively safe anchorage where will be sleeping for the night. The intention was to have a bit of a swim in the Mediterranean but

a) it’s still quite windy
b) it’s still pretty chilly
c) the guys in the picture below wont bugger off and I absolutely refuse to swim with shorts on

We have to be in Ibiza by Friday so there will probably be another night sail at some point. But we’re pretty much on target to make it for Ibiza for my birthday!

Josh, Josh2 and Pawel finally made it to the boat and we managed to fix the topping lift. It wasn’t a perfect fix but it was better than using the spinnaker halyard.

We pulled out of Alcaidesa marina which is part of Spain, and drove around the corner to a marina in Gibraltar where fuel is 40% cheaper. Filled our fuel tanks and bought some beers and rum and then headed South across the Mediterranean to Africa…kinda.

It was a very short crossing, probably a little over two hours, but we were immediately joined by Bottlenose Dolphins and they accompanied us for quite a while. As we were crossing the water we saw a familiar sight.

The sun was setting as we approached Ceuta and a tanker ship was in the right place at the right time.

Ceuta is part of continental Africa in much the same way as Gibraltar is part of mainland Spain, and just as Gibraltar remains a little part of Britain, Ceuta is a little part of Spain. So we went ashore and found a fantastic little Tapas place where we had some amazing food and drank some beer and wine.

On the way back to the boat we came across the statue of Hercules.

After getting back on the boat, which was considerably easier than getting off it since the tide had risen, we all fancied a rum. So we finished the bottle of rum we brought from the Canaries, then we opened the bottle of rum we bought whilst filling up with fuel….and we finished that as well. Unfortunately I had an 8am shift and only went to bed at 3.30am with a belly full of rum. It wasn’t a pleasant start to the next day!

I visited Gibraltar many years ago with Emma and the kids when we were on a cruise. Due to time constraints we never managed to make it up to the top and see the apes. On this trip I was determined to right that wrong. But first we had to try and fix the topping lift that snapped on the La Palma to Madeira leg. Michal being the lightest we sent him up the mast.

We failed to fix the line so are still relying on the cobbled together Spinnaker Halyard but we may have another go at fixing it today. After the failed attempt we drank a little wine and made the foot crossing into Gibraltar. The Spanish authorities weren’t too keen on letting Michal and I into Gibraltar because we were travelling on British passports. We eventually made it through after showing our flight tickets out of Ibiza.

Arriving into Casemates Square in Gibraltar Matka was determined we should all have a beer so we were just about to sit at a table when I thought I heard somebody shout “Darren”. I looked around wondering if I was going crazy when I spotted Josh and Josh2 waving over. I knew they were in Gibraltar so it wasn’t a massive surprise but we weren’t due to meet until the next day so it was still a bit of a shocker. Turned out they’d just finished lunch in the exact bar we were going to get a beer. Gibraltar is a small place! This was the same place where Emma and I along with Amelia and Oliver had lunch last time we visited. Last time I was there I had the baby back ribs, so I opted for them again this time. They were equally good.

After lunch and a few beers we took the cable car to the top of the rock.

We opted to take the cable car and walk down. We came down the Mediterranean steps which was pretty hard work. I had my walking boots on which have done hundreds of miles on my feet but I still ended up with a blister. On the way down I opted to get some pictures of the Gib flora.

We came across a few caves on the way down too

A final picture of my leather satchel travelling companion that has escorted me around the world for getting close to 20 years.

This was always going to be the big journey. About 1000nm which is 1150 miles across the Atlantic. We set off at about lunchtime and headed East. Michal and I in particular had a heavy heart due to the aforementioned alcohol ban.

On the whole the passage was pretty uneventful. We had reasonable winds which allowed us to make progress without being covered in Atlantic spray and tossed around in bed when we tried to sleep. We even had quite a bit of sunshine.

Since the Transatlantic mission began Captain Alex has been desperately trying to catch some fish. Ideally some tuna so we can have some fresh sashimi – sadly, as I write this, we have yet to catch anything except a bit of plastic. Happy to know that we’re cleaning up the oceans.

Along the way we had a visitor who flew in and hitched a ride with us for a while. We tried to feed him some sausage but he wasn’t interested. He did have a little fetta cheese which seemed a little odd to me.

We sail in support of Ukraine.

A couple of pictures of me, because we all know how self obsessed I am! Fortunately for all concerned I wont be posting pictures of when we stopped 270miles from land in 4000m deep waters and jumped off the boat to bathe. By this point it was about 7 days since I last showered and my hair was truly disgusting. We jumped in, clothing optional, and I washed my hair in the Atlantic.

Along the way we were privileged to experience some truly magnificent sunsets which will be a post all of it’s own soon but here’s one…

The catamaran you see in this picture is Lady Helen Africa. They contacted us via VHF since they were having problems with their AIS and couldn’t see any of the shipping nearby. Since we were about to pass through the Straits of Gibraltar [ a massively busy shipping lane ] at night – this was not cool. So they agreed to follow behind us at a distance of about 1 mile and use our AIS capability to dodge tankers, cargo ships and cruise ships. This was a cunning plan until the sun set and Michal and I were in charge of the boat. When it gets dark things tend to get difficult on a boat. Michal and I spotted a red light flashing light quite nearby and sailed past it realising it was a red flashing buoy. Up ahead there were loads more of them in a line. We then spotted a fishing boat steaming toward us flashing his massively powerful spotlight at us. We could hear some chatter on the radio but it was in the cabin and we were busy up on the cockpit dodging buoys and wondering why irate fishermen were hounding us. Predictably it turns out all these red flashing lights were of course the fishing nets. So we changed course to the North as did our catamaran tail. Then we ran into some more fishing nets and had to turn West to avoid them, which is the exact opposite the direction we wanted to go in. At this point the Lady Helen Africa came back on the radio to ask in their best French/English what the f*** we were doing. Michal responded that we were dodging fishing nets. We eventually spotted a gap between two lengths of fishing nets that would allow us to bypass them and crack on to Gibraltar. We went for it and the Frenchies followed.

As we passed through the nets and back into clear water we paid a little more attention to the radio and heard the fishing boat captain shouting at all the other ships nearby to go North and avoid his nets. We really could have done with a radio in the cockpit. At this point it was about 1am so I went to bed leaving Michal and Alex to sail us through the Straits.

Due to me being utterly confused about whether our roster was on Canary time or Spanish time and also the added uncertainty about whether my phone was on UK time, Canary time or Spanish time I managed to set my alarm two hours earlier than necessary. So instead of getting up at 7.45 for my shift I managed to get up at 5.45 – a mere 4.5 hours after I went to bed….a mere two hours after I got to sleep since my feet were absolutely freezing! I was however rewarded with a rather spectacular Mediterranean sunrise.

So eventually after five days at sea, 140hrs without a single drop of white wine, tantamount to a week without a schnifter of red wine and in dog years pretty much a month of no booze whatsoever, Gibraltar hove into view.

Putting on my very best upper class British accent I contacted the Queensway Quay in Gibraltar on VHF but was told they had no space. Very disappointing that they didn’t make room for a fellow Brit but we eventually found a space in Alcaidesa Marina which is Spanish territory but is a short walk into Gibraltar. We didn’t have a berth immediately but were advised to go to the waiting quay and sort out a berth. So eventually, after five days of travelling across the Atlantic via sail and motor, trying to keep up a solid 5kts so we could make it in time to pick up the rest of our crew [ Josh, Josh2 and Pawel ] we made landfall.

After an hour or so of waiting around we were assigned a berth, we motored over, parked up and….